Tanah Yang Suci

Ini memori yg msh ada dlm draft krn ia tidak direalisasi. FRAN, you're always there... witnessing every words n bleed in me. Allah itu sentiada ada.

On our way to BGRC in early June 2014, he suddenly said :

P : Babang, Didik.. nni bln 12, Ummi dgn Papa nak pi jln2 tau...

P : Babang & Didik tinggal dgn baby ye...

D : Eh! Mana boleh!

D : Org patutnya jln2 bawaklah anak, kan bang...?

He whispered : 
P : Hjg tahun ni kita pergi nak? I miss the place...

I was touched. Ya, that was his promise, as a wedding gift for me. Bila dia pergi iring org tuanya, dia mau bawa saya bsm. Waktu itu sdg berpantang Didik. Taklah gamak meninggalkan baby Didik tu. 

U : Ummi dgn Papa bkn pi jalan2. Kami nak pi buat ibadat.

U : Babang incharge jaga baby dan Didik... boleh?

B : Baiklah... tapi... mcm mana sy nak masak?

U : La, Babang bkn jaga Didik dgn baby sendiri kat umah.

U : Nnti Ummi minta Nenek Imah tolonglah.

B : Oh, okay!

Unfortunately since then, saya di atr gembira ke sana & rasa pedih tinggalkan anak2. Cpt sgh dia urus prosedur. Tarikh pergi 18-31 Dis 2014. Gundah gulana rasa nk tgglkan MAHAN yg msh bf, teringat peritnya brd di Sydney ketika Babang msh baby & bf. But he said, "Allah Maha Kuasa". Ya, NO DOUBT, dear! 

Menggigil jari nak isi borang permohonan perjalanan luar negara. Akhirnya terbiar atas meja. Kepergian ini bkn 'mudah'. Byk perlu lunas zahir & batin, hati & jiwa. Terbayang air muka Babang bila dia bertanya hujung Nov. 2014 tu :

B : Ummi... jadi ke Ummi & Papa pergi umrah ni?

U : Kenapa Bang?

B : (wajah muram) Saya sedih...

B : Siapa nak jaga saya dgn adik2...?

Ya, Allah Maha Mengetahui. Saya tak ada peluang dpt izin VC & Bendahari apatah lagi group postpone trip.

Pa... tanah suci tu bkn sebrg tempat utk sebrg org. Hanya yg diberi izin akan dpt jejak kaki. You owe me d'greatest thing in our life, dear. Yet, alhamdulillah... d'good thing was you know who you should prioritize. This that you said, remain in my head, "Ya, dia mmg ajak. Tapi abang tak akan pergi dgn dia selagi abang tak pergi dgn Ayang terlebih dulu..."

I insist to put it here, so that you, me, my boys n every one two three person who happen to read this will know, Allah indeed Maha Mengetahui. I put it here, so that she in specific will read (because I know she is reading n stalking). 

You, sister... what made you think Allah would ever allows you to go when you had & have wrong me that much? You are getting closer to 50, carilah damai yg abadi, bukannya 'INTEREST IN MAN & MONEY' lagi.

I miss these faces so much. Alhamdulillah, abah got the call from Allah before he went back to his creator. Abah... moga2 ada sedikit belas Allah utk along ke sana, for every steps I made to post office in D'sara many years ago, everytime after gaji, I banked in a portion dlm buku TH abah & ibu. And to my sisters, tqsm krn bantu realisasikan impian itu.

A walk to remember...
It's been a month ago, when I suddenly see 'kaabah' in my head during my solat. Allah... the feel was so deep. I cried... suddenly I long to be there so much. I know every puzzle is now getting to complete itself. Insya-Allah, one fine day, when I have clear all the necessaries,  I will be there... with or without you, dear... only Allah knows best. One thing for sure, I will try my very best to take my 3 boys with me, insya-Allah.